Head, Shoulders, Knees and ....

The Pain to Be Normal 

When I close my eyes each night I hope to wake in the morning with no pain, to carry on with a normal pain free life with my family. NO one not even other Fibromyalgia patients can know exactly what I feel each day they can only understand relate to my pain. Each person with fibro has their own experience but we have the same condition and worse it's ongoing for life.

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I was talking to my husband about the tender points tonight since I was hurting on my buttocks and he was trying to be playful and a lil smack nearly wanted to make me cry. I pulled up the diagram you'd find on so many sites. Here's an example of one of them. When we counted how many points that I feel flare up on a regular basis it was 16 out of the 18. The worse is my neck, shoulders, buttocks, hips and knees. Those are my worst areas. That doesn't leave me much. My elbows depending on my activities tend to hurt as well but since my shoulders and neck constantly hurt the pain radiates down my arms. When the doctors started trying to figure out where the pain was coming from we also found Arthritis in my spine between the shoulders, so if the Fibromyalgia pain wasn't enough I have the arthritis pain that adds to it. 

My anxiety seems to be worsening lately as well, when I see my doctor in a few weeks I will let her know. I am not sure why but I know that is one of the issues Fibromyalgia has as well. Between my depression and anxiety I've about had it with it all. I am thankful that my husband is so supporting but I think of my children and how they don't understand fully that Mommy isn't like I used to be or like other moms. Cassidy I think understands some but she's older than the boys. She helps me the most when I ask, I'm actually quite proud of her for trying to learn how to do laundry and the dishes. I think she really likes the feeling of importance in the household.  I went to the ER about 2 weeks ago, I was hurting so badly that I wanted to scream and I didn't know what was going on. I have been experiencing not only headaches but now Chronic Migraines as if the Fibromyalgia wasn't enough. I've got medication now to help with that but seriously hurts my budget constantly getting new medication!

I looked at how much I have spent in medication through out the year, while it's not much but its monies that could been spent elsewhere (mind you I use the mail delivery if I didn't use that it would be triple).

Total Amount You Paid: $379.71 **

** This number represents your total out-of-pocket expenses

$379.71 Could buy much needed clothes, shoes, or whatever.. just makes me sick! 

The Holidays 

Christmas was good the kids got to see the grandparents on my side of the family. We spent time with Aunts, Uncles and cousins that is always the best part especially for my kids. They just love being around them. Sometimes they don't get along but on the most part they are always having a ball. The kids were really happy for the gifts they got from everyone and Santa. 

We had an insane issue with the car on Christmas night, the car battery died completely. My father and husband went out to work on trying to charge the battery with the battery charger and suddenly the power went out in my Dad's house. It was an eventful evening it took 3 hours for the guys to get a battery or some sorts going so we could leave town and go back home, by the time they got the car going the lights came back on. I seriously wonder if there was something wrong with our trip and someone was keeping us from heading home. 

Once we got home the kids were excited to see that Santa had stopped by the house. Cassidy got Monster High dolls this Christmas she was begging for them for so long she was thrilled. Reiley got a new remote controlled tractor and some great trucks, and Liam got some trucks as well, I went to Walgreens and found a Ride On Car on sale so I grabbed that up the other day but he doesn't seem to like it much. Maybe in time he'll love it. 


These are my thoughts, feelings and my release from my internal hell! 

Fibro & Me

FIBROMYALGIA 

It began a little over a year ago, it's been a journey for me and my family to get used to. The truth is my children still aren't used to it neither is the rest of my family... 

When all this began my family was in shock, we didn't know what was going on with me and my children especially. They were used to Mommy being able to play, dance and goof around. I've had to stop all that since becoming ill. I talked with my doctors about getting help and they did test after test and found nothing in x-rays, cat scans or any other test they have done. I lost my job because the pain was so unbearable, I couldn't work any longer. I really loved my job helping people why I love customer service positions and always find a job working to help people. Now I need help. I need help doing the simple things in my house I no longer have the stamina to do.

Liam was only 5 months old when I was diagnosed, he was just a baby.. needed his mother the most. Because of my fibro I couldn't even hold him or carry him. I nearly dropped him when my legs gave out on me and my arms became weakened. Since then I was put on medication to help with the Fibromyalgia pains. I've now been put on so many medications it's insane. I went from 2 medications a day to box filled. 

This is not how a person should live. Searching in a box filled with all sorts of pills to make yourself feel better each day. It's even worse when you have a 7 year old to Help get you pills to start your day. This is the importance of the Letters on the top of the bottles. It's been updated since this picture so that when she tries to get my medicine she isn't trying to read what to take when. But crazier she knows what they look like. 

Cassidy has been a blessing in helping me in the morning. Dave (my husband) helps me in the evening to find the right ones.

Reiley is the worst when it comes to understanding everything since he was for the longest time my baby boy. Now he's my big boy and he doesn't understand why he can't jump on me or hug on me like he used to. He's only 4 years old so I have to remind him constantly that Mommy needs her space and Let me hug him at my own strength. 

Fibromyalgia's support ribbon is the color purple and that is why today's blog is in purple text. I still need to get myself a Purple Ribbon Pin but I haven't quite found one that I wanted. I really like this ribbon because of the butterfly. It's a symbol of fibro and reminds me of my grandmother who passed away a few years ago. 

This one is also nice but doubt I can find this one either.





Fibro & Depression ... 

While one of my medications helps with depression, I feel that sometimes it doesn't work enough. I'm finding that my depression increases more and more right now. There are days I've asked Dave if I could just take my whole box of pills and just end life. But I know I can't do that because that would extremely hurt my children in so many ways. I personally know what it's like not to have a mother in my life only surrogate mothers who have been there for me. Now imagine how my anxiety plays into this as well. It can be overwhelming! 

The biggest part of that effects my depression is the inability to work. I want to work so that my family isn't struggling cause right now we struggle so much I want to cry and I hate this feeling. We hardly have enough money to buy groceries for the next two weeks or gas to put in the truck for Dave to get to work. It really upsets me since I am used to having an income. I've always had some sort of income coming into to help my family. I've applied for Social Security Disability and I was denied, we appealed and I was denied again.  I have attorneys now but we are awaiting to be seen in front of a judge so they can hear my case. I am thankful I was able to obtain additional medical proof from the mental health facilities in Okinawa Naval Hospital when I seen doctors there. I've been a depressed person all my life but now its worse. I can't do anything to help my family get out of debt. I can barely do household chores some days and when I push myself beyond my limits I than lose a day or more by being in bed all day.

Fibro & Disability 

I'm fighting to stay strong and not give up. With Social Security it's a waiting process all around. Physically I know I can't do the simple things like working behind a desk for 8 hours because of my fatigue, the ever amount of pain in my neck, shoulders and more. I believe I am more on the severe side of Fibromyalgia patients. I hurt badly all the time. Now I have to prove this to the government. As I get medical evidence I send copies to my lawyers... I kinda do their job for them. I've always supplied them with all the medical data, I guess it's cool I have them cause I just use them to threaten people when I need something.

Fibro & Stress 

Stress has been playing a large part of the additional pain I'm having but what can I do, the stress to see my family suffer is never ending. The fact that I can't even afford food in the house kills me the most. Stress is a possible cause of fibro and I've experienced stress all my life but what is funny as hell is to cure fibro is unknown! Fibro is in itself stressful because of the limitations you have daily.

Fibro & Work

When I was first diagnosed with fibro I had a good job paying pretty decent. I was also attending college previously. I started to have concentration problems why I had to leave school. I thought it was just part of my depression. When I started to have so many pains when I was at work I couldn't walk right, sit at my desk comfortably, and worse unable to use my arms to type because of the pain in my neck and my arms.  I've read in article that "30% of fibro fighters report an inability to hold down a steady job" I can relate because I don't feel I can work a full time job and be able to work for very short bursts. I get exhausted just doing easy family chores around the house. "50% of people with Fibromyalgia report difficulty performing daily activities" I am certainly one of those people. 

For more information on fibromyalgia statistics you can check out their webpage.

Fibro & Nap time... 


That is where I'll be going right now....

It's about that time.. my body is drained and I've spent more time writing this than I should have. I'm exhausted now. :(

Until next time! Merry Christmas! 

~Dev~