The Road To Recovery

     Last week I had a break down! Everything seem to happen all at once and the stress consumed me so much that sometimes its not worth living. Then one day I felt a tug in my heart, in my soul and its my loved ones making me remember the importance of my life. I have 4 beautiful children and the best husband ever I truly need to stop thinking of myself and stay here to teach my children how to grow up and be great parents, live a prosperous life, just everything in life. My husband needs his wife, his soul mate and simply the one who controls him. (Not in a bad way.. please know that) My Uncle Scott used to say to me it was the cowards way out. I do agree with him but sometimes fighting is so hard. I plan to fight but sometimes I just have weak moments.

     Well in my weak moment I cut myself off of most communications with my friends. I deactivated my Facebook account even. I didn't want to talk to anyone not a soul. A few days later my husband and I talked about sharing his Facebook. I thought it was a good idea but then I started to receive messages on my husband's account and on my page (DeVinewashere) asking me where I was and if everything was OK. Asking if I was mad at them and more. I just want my friends and everyone I am OK! I will be OK! Working on resolving my pain!

Friendship!

 
The connection you make with people is more than you can ever imagine.  When you look  up friendship in the dictionary you read this Friendship is a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other. I missed this in my hours of weakness. I didn't realize the impact I had on my friends when I just disappeared and didn't say goodbye or explain anything, I just dropped off the face of the earth. I am sorry for that I truly am. The picture I found explains it perfectly Your Friendship is a gift I enjoy opening every day. I forgot about that wonderful gift for a moment when I deactivated my account. What's important is that my friends did hold strong for me and welcomed me back openly. I will never make that mistake again! A huge thank you for all my friends for loving me so much as I love you! 

The Death Wish!

(This is not the actual spider)

       Usually I try and clean the kitchen up right after dinner but that never happens. Once I have my belly full I walking back to my computer, smoke a cigarette and take my pills. Oh joy.. I love that part of the night. Open 1 bottle, 2 bottle, 3 bottle.. 4. and it seems to continue. Anyway, as I am cleaning up the kitchen after everyone is asleep I fed the dog and out from under the stove comes a little spider. He was headed for Rocky! As I was picking up things off the floor and throwing things away he seen me. I was like oh god, but I didn't jump on the counter tops like Dave does and scream like a lil girl. Hehe.. I'm a tough girl! Anyhow the spider comes racing towards my toes. I was like Oh HELL NO! You're asking for a death wish.. took a napkin and sent him packing. Now seriously even if he wasn't running after my toes I would have sent him to spider heaven anyway... no damn way I want them critters in my house. Anyway, to me it was kinda funny at how it all went down.  

DeVine